Archive | December 2022

T’was The Night Before The Sales Quota……

……And all through the room, not a salesperson was heard except the sales manager saying something about Glengarry on Zoom.

The mail slots were hung by HR with care with the hope that bonus checks soon would be there.

The sales team headed out with the bosses credit card, as they hoped this new economy would not be hit hard. The HR manager was out on the covid protocol, as I wondered to myself how a men’s rooms could only have one stall?

When out in the lot there sprang such a clatter, I quickly hurried to empty my bladder. Then away to the lot the team bolted like the flash, for fear of someone breaking into their EV’s and stealing their not yet legal stash.

The moon shone bright on the new blown snow and showed new tracks that around the corner did go. When what to their wondering eyes should appear, but a delivery driver with many boxes that identified as they/them and as a deer.

With this cleverly dressed driver, so creative and quick, they knew from his nametag that his name was actually Richard. More rapid than social media their criticism came, when he snapped his fingers and started calling them by name.

Now Jimmy, now Phil, now Larry and Sarah, for Lisa, for Tina, for Robert and Klara, to the front of the tavern over near the side wall, I have something in recycled envelopes for you all.

As dry leaves fly in the chilled November air, the sales team headed back to reclaim a chair. So up to the bar their empty glasses flew in order to grab some more of that sweet left over cheap Oktoberfest brew.

And then with a twinkling, the bartender said, we’re finally out of that crap as he topped off the head. As I reached out my hand and was turning around, out came new pitchers that the bartender had found.

They were filled to the brim with a local IPA and slid over to us by the bartender named Ray. With his lumberjack beard and way too tight flannel, we asked him to put the Bucks game on a different channel.

With the remote not being found, we were stuck with CNN as talks of a new jab were just coming in. They went on to say that supply chain was saved by our commander in chief but when they interviewed people shopping in New York, nobody could find any beef. Weird.

We turned off the tube and went back to the table for Richard to pass out the envelopes when he felt he was safe and able, and although he identified as they/them and a deer, he sure could pass out envelopes without fear.

He spoke not a word but went straight to his work and handed out those envelopes without being a jerk. He made us all wait to open them together and I have to admit we all wondered why is he in all leather?

On the count of three, we all read the note, it was from the CEO, a GOAT, who left early that day to take out his boat. Coffee’s for closers, steak knives for you all, I’ll see you on Monday in my new Caddy and show you how to make a call.

Merry Christmas All!