Making Character Greater Again

What is Your Character?

Character is defined as the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual.  It is who you are and it determines how you relate to others.  It is your personal development, it impacts your relationships and can help determine the outcome of your goals.  It can influence the decisions you make, the way you learn, the way you manage, and how others perceive you. 

Your character is what people see in front of them, how you act, and who they are listening to when you speak. Your character is NOT something defined by personality trait assessments, colorful strengthsfinder graphics, or word association surveys that tell you how you are supposedly wired for limits.

How Does Your Character Form?

Although the experts tell us our formative years in childhood are defined as 0-8 years of age, I’d argue a theory that your characters’ formative years starts at age 10-12 as you meet memorable and influential people.  It continues to evolve with 50% of your distinctiveness forming at 12-18 years of age, an additional 25% coming through age 24 and the last 25% should be fluid throughout the rest of your journey.

What Are COI’s?

These memorable and influential people are considered your “Centers of Influence” or COI’s. This concept was originally given to us by Ellen White and is used in a broader definition to include individuals in your own circles or concentric circles of friends and colleagues. COI’s can be life long influences throughout your journey, be a short part of the journey that fills a purpose in the moment, or supersedes a previous person in a particular seat on your current bus.

COI’s could be bosses, coaches, co-workers, older kids you knew, teachers, or family members.  You remember them for something they said, something they did, something they wrote, someway they behaved, something they were good at, someone you experienced something epic with, or an action they took. Maybe they were the only ones to be honest and truthful with you or helped you at your worst. They could be a character in a movie that represents what you want to be and they can be historical or religious figures, artists, or even philosophers. I can argue the COI’s can also be experiences or memories from events.

Who Are Your COI’s?

Let’s test this theory of character evolution. Make a quick list of the people, events, or idols that positively impacted you and who you still think of today in your thoughts, words, and deeds from before you were 24 years old.  

Now who or what have you met, idolized, or experienced in the last 10 years that could be an upgrade from the original seat holders?  I had 30 on my quick list and as I looked at my current contacts I only swapped out 10. I won’t say who or what but the memorable individuals and things that I was surrounded with in my younger years set the bar pretty high and if you have had the same, you realize that having the right people around or experiences has been a benefit to who you are. I have also found the as we have grown as a family, the events and activities that

Is Character Permanent?

Now what happens to your character as you get older and set in your ways? The quote “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with” is often attributed to motivational speaker Jim Rohn.  If true, then I’ll ask if those five individuals are lifting you up, keeping you at a mediocre level, or dragging you down from your greater potential? What would your mom, dad, wife, husband or any significant other that unconditionally loves you say?

This quote was the basis for our “Turd Test” when our son was growing up. “What are you going to smell like if all the kids you hang around with are turds? Pretty self explanatory and combined with the Golden Rule and The Mom Test, I think we gave the kid a pretty decent decision support system for his early formative years. Sure you can argue who defines “turdness” and sets the floor of qualifications, but as a society I think conventional wisdom gets us 95% there.

Why five? You can read about the law of 3 and law of 7 but why stop there as well. Why not 10? Why not 20? 50? The point I am driving towards is why limit yourself to the amount of people that can raise your average and then what are you doing to surround yourself with even more? One of the rules I follow and preach is to always be learning, meeting new people, and helping others and great things will develop. It does not matter which order, it matters that you take action and keep taking action on the three activities. 

Should COI’s Be Permanent?

Covey’s 7th habit is to sharpen the saw and one way is to keep surrounding yourself with great people that can challenge you and grow you further. Joe Sweeny’s success model proved networking is a contact sport and emphasizes the need to know the right people to get things done by being a connector.  William Morris (actually created wallpaper) said to keep nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful which supports the necessity to keep turds out of your life.

ABC is a well known selling call for action to “Always Be Closing”.  I am suggesting and challenging you to repurpose ABC to “Always Be Churning” meaning always be meeting new people, remembering the parts that influence you, and then keep meeting additional people. Whether you are in sales or not, in leadership or not, or just on a quest to be the best human you can be.  There is strength in numbers and I believe the room is always smarter than the individual so make sure your room is full of quality and experienced people that can lift you up.

Meeting and surrounding yourself with the right people can be a force multiplier to your character and also help you achieve bigger and better goals as you leverage what you learn and include others in working with you towards shared visions and goals.

If your COI’s keep improving, your character has no choice but to follow.

Whose Character Are You Making Greater?

You should flip this process as well and look at where you are in the whole concentric COI circles you play in.  Whose 5,10, or 20 are you grouped in with? Who is looking at you for advice and experience?  It may say a lot about how people see you and give you some insights and ideas about changing your beliefs, values, actions and character. Even Scrooge and the Grinch evolved and I would remind you of the turd test for who you are surrounded by at the next networking event or roundtable that you are asked to join.

Now an additional challenge to parents: Who are you surrounding your kids with to build their character? In addition, who are you surrounded with at their events and activities that can support that?

Stay turd free my friends!!!!!