Making Character Greater Again
What is Your Character?
Character is defined as the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual. It is who you are and it determines how you relate to others. It is your personal development, it impacts your relationships and can help determine the outcome of your goals. It can influence the decisions you make, the way you learn, the way you manage, and how others perceive you.
Your character is what people see in front of them, how you act, and who they are listening to when you speak. Your character is NOT something defined by personality trait assessments, colorful strengthsfinder graphics, or word association surveys that tell you how you are supposedly wired for limits.
How Does Your Character Form?
Although the experts tell us our formative years in childhood are defined as 0-8 years of age, I’d argue a theory that your characters’ formative years starts at age 10-12 as you meet memorable and influential people. It continues to evolve with 50% of your distinctiveness forming at 12-18 years of age, an additional 25% coming through age 24 and the last 25% should be fluid throughout the rest of your journey.
What Are COI’s?
These memorable and influential people are considered your “Centers of Influence” or COI’s. This concept was originally given to us by Ellen White and is used in a broader definition to include individuals in your own circles or concentric circles of friends and colleagues. COI’s can be life long influences throughout your journey, be a short part of the journey that fills a purpose in the moment, or supersedes a previous person in a particular seat on your current bus.
COI’s could be bosses, coaches, co-workers, older kids you knew, teachers, or family members. You remember them for something they said, something they did, something they wrote, someway they behaved, something they were good at, someone you experienced something epic with, or an action they took. Maybe they were the only ones to be honest and truthful with you or helped you at your worst. They could be a character in a movie that represents what you want to be and they can be historical or religious figures, artists, or even philosophers. I can argue the COI’s can also be experiences or memories from events.
Who Are Your COI’s?
Let’s test this theory of character evolution. Make a quick list of the people, events, or idols that positively impacted you and who you still think of today in your thoughts, words, and deeds from before you were 24 years old.
Now who or what have you met, idolized, or experienced in the last 10 years that could be an upgrade from the original seat holders? I had 30 on my quick list and as I looked at my current contacts I only swapped out 10. I won’t say who or what but the memorable individuals and things that I was surrounded with in my younger years set the bar pretty high and if you have had the same, you realize that having the right people around or experiences has been a benefit to who you are. I have also found the as we have grown as a family, the events and activities that
Is Character Permanent?
Now what happens to your character as you get older and set in your ways? The quote “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with” is often attributed to motivational speaker Jim Rohn. If true, then I’ll ask if those five individuals are lifting you up, keeping you at a mediocre level, or dragging you down from your greater potential? What would your mom, dad, wife, husband or any significant other that unconditionally loves you say?
This quote was the basis for our “Turd Test” when our son was growing up. “What are you going to smell like if all the kids you hang around with are turds? Pretty self explanatory and combined with the Golden Rule and The Mom Test, I think we gave the kid a pretty decent decision support system for his early formative years. Sure you can argue who defines “turdness” and sets the floor of qualifications, but as a society I think conventional wisdom gets us 95% there.
Why five? You can read about the law of 3 and law of 7 but why stop there as well. Why not 10? Why not 20? 50? The point I am driving towards is why limit yourself to the amount of people that can raise your average and then what are you doing to surround yourself with even more? One of the rules I follow and preach is to always be learning, meeting new people, and helping others and great things will develop. It does not matter which order, it matters that you take action and keep taking action on the three activities.
Should COI’s Be Permanent?
Covey’s 7th habit is to sharpen the saw and one way is to keep surrounding yourself with great people that can challenge you and grow you further. Joe Sweeny’s success model proved networking is a contact sport and emphasizes the need to know the right people to get things done by being a connector. William Morris (actually created wallpaper) said to keep nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful which supports the necessity to keep turds out of your life.
ABC is a well known selling call for action to “Always Be Closing”. I am suggesting and challenging you to repurpose ABC to “Always Be Churning” meaning always be meeting new people, remembering the parts that influence you, and then keep meeting additional people. Whether you are in sales or not, in leadership or not, or just on a quest to be the best human you can be. There is strength in numbers and I believe the room is always smarter than the individual so make sure your room is full of quality and experienced people that can lift you up.
Meeting and surrounding yourself with the right people can be a force multiplier to your character and also help you achieve bigger and better goals as you leverage what you learn and include others in working with you towards shared visions and goals.
If your COI’s keep improving, your character has no choice but to follow.
Whose Character Are You Making Greater?
You should flip this process as well and look at where you are in the whole concentric COI circles you play in. Whose 5,10, or 20 are you grouped in with? Who is looking at you for advice and experience? It may say a lot about how people see you and give you some insights and ideas about changing your beliefs, values, actions and character. Even Scrooge and the Grinch evolved and I would remind you of the turd test for who you are surrounded by at the next networking event or roundtable that you are asked to join.
Now an additional challenge to parents: Who are you surrounding your kids with to build their character? In addition, who are you surrounded with at their events and activities that can support that?
Stay turd free my friends!!!!!
Why Hire #Neurodiveristy in #Manufacturing? Because You Can’t Fail.
We are all battling a lack of people applying for open positions in our companies and combine that with the fact there is a strata of the workforce that is working harder to stay home and get out of work than to add value to the world.
What if you can find productive employees and guarantee your next hire would:
- Always be on time.
- Want to learn more daily.
- Care about the work they do.
- Create efficiencies that you did not consider.
- Set an example for others.
Where would you spend your time? Now, what if I told you there are 170,000+ of these capable employees available to start tomorrow just in Wisconsin alone?
What if you learned that there are no state programs to qualify for, apply to, or wait for a response in 90 days. There is no three page job description to write and that other Manufacturers in the private sector already have success that you can use as a model? All you have to do is give a shit to make this work.
Need a business case for the doubters? What if you learned that 11.9% of the population is considered to have a disability, and hence be neurodiverse, but only 19.1% of them are employed? How about the fact that employers that hire people with disabilities have on average 28% higher revenue, double the net income, and 30% higher profit margins than their peer group? Another fun fact published by the government, is that GDP in the USA could be boosted up to $25 billion dollars if just 1% additional people with disabilities joined the labor force.
My daughter Emma Rathmann and I were honored to give the opening presentation at the Disability:IN Wisconsin event on Hiring Neurodiverse Talent to Grow Manufacturing last week hosted by Engauge Workforce Solutions. Over 100 talent seekers and employers attended for the purpose of learning more about hiring the most under considered and capable workforce this region, state, and world has to offer.
Also presenting at the event were Goldhmong Vang,Katie Malnight Meisinger Corryn Manderfield, and the Down Syndrome Association of Wisconsin. The audience was filled with , , leaders, other Service Providers, and even parents of sons and daughters looking for companies that “get it” and can help provide a caring environment and future for their kids.
The following is a recap from our presentation about the commonalities of all the success stories just from our close circle of neurodiverse friends that are gainfully employed and adding value to the efforts in the private sector. Some people thought this presentation was about the formula we created for success. In reality, this is a documentary of what we see working with the individuals we know besides our own experiences.
Let’s first talk about the shared characteristics of your future employees:
- They have defined schedules and availability;
- They have favorite interests, foods, and communication styles;
- They have a linear and VERY literal thought process;
- They see the world as flat when it comes to organizational charts and hierarchy, which translates to treating the groundskeeper on the same level as the CEO (BTW, This should be your leadership style if it isn’t already).
Tell me how any of this is unmanageable?
Let’s talk secondly about the shared characteristics of the accommodations that other companies are making for these employees:
- They offer flexible and part time schedules;
- They have a horizontal structure on mission and surround the employee with others that are available to help mentor and answer questions that arise;
- They help the employee understand what their role is and why there are certain requirements for clothing and safety equipment;
- They offer stacked training and build a playbook and handbook specifically for the role the employee is in, as well as have them job shadow until they are comfortable performing on their own;
- They give clear directions and instructions with tangible metrics for the employee to gamify their duties and measure their own progress.
Tell me how any of this is impossible for you to offer?
No replication of your favorite recipe is successful without the right ingredients so you need to understand all of the shared characteristics and parts of the employment model that the current success stories share.
- The employee does have the desire to work, the capability to do the work, a consistent and predictable schedule, and the ability to advocate for themselves;
- The opportunity for the employee is aligned on their skill sets, are supported by other employees with interactions from multiple levels within the company;
- The employees’ family was involved and is in communication with the stakeholders within the company and has provided insights for the management, helps with pregame and postgame daily routine before and after work, and the family has learned to trust that the company is looking out for the employee on all levels.This will be the hardest part for the employer to prove themselves as a safe and growth environment for their child;
- The position is supported through a staffing agency, has access to additional training and education resources through non-profits, and has transportation needs filled by the family or a service.
Just as the right ingredients are necessary, so is how those ingredients work together on a daily, weekly and monthly basis. I call it “The Committed Ecosystem” as pictured in the opening of this article. No matter how large the organization is, if you find someone that can be on time, cares about the work they do, and wants to learn, you are going to make room for them.
- There absolutely needs to be selfless vision and leadership in the organization to want to hire neurodiverse employees. A company should be a people system first and that will drive the business systems.
- The middle management needs to be informed, educated, and empowered to work with and help grow their team members. This is the biggest point of failure for many organizations that say they are diverse and inclusive on their mission statements but then do not provide the middle management the tools they need which leaves the employee in a sink or swim situation that frustrates all parties involved and is ultimately a failure.
- The supportive team members are the most important ingredient. You need to surround the employee with the right people that are willing to teach others, can be selfless themselves, and measure their own success through the growth of others. Pay these people well!
An interesting tangent to this, while presenting this material to a group of parents the previous week, a fellow Dad asked what I would do as the CEO when their child comes home and says that someone called them a certain derogatory name and bullied their child’s situation. My answer as a Dad was that we have been in that situation and what I wanted to do was considered a hate crime in most developed nations. My answer a week later as a CEO that employs now four neurodiverse individuals, is that if I have not built an organization of people aligned on a common goal that want to see each other do well as much as be experts in their own space, I have failed and don’t deserve to employ their son or daughter.
- The Family and the 4th Party Resources (like transportation, the staffing company, the trainers and outside partners) are very much aligned and in communication about the employee. This is essentially the “it takes a village” aspect of your journey and everyone having access to each other to address any schedule changes, additional training opportunities, and questions that may develop by anyone in this journey to grow the opportunity for the individual is key. One of the presenters at the seminar actually stated that it “takes a city sometimes”. I don’t disagree and each situation is going to be unique.
The capstone to this article is how to build your playbook for success in hiring a neurodiverse employee. I wish I had a patented process that I could guarantee would work for you with a money back guarantee, but the real chance for success is for you to just get started using the following process parts and make adjustments as needed.
- First, replicate success. There are other companies out there that are doing this successfully and their partners in success are just waiting to help others. Use your network, cross pollinate best practices and make introductions. I guarantee if you are reading this, you know someone that is neurodiverse and have the people in your network that can help. There is a Chinese Proverb that states the best time to plant an oak tree was 30 years ago, the next best time is now.
- Second, if you are going to be the one driving the mission, then build your village (or city). Find a staffing agency that can support the hiring model if you are tied to certain hiring policies and processes that are found in union based shops or complex companies. Call the position contract based or seasonal and you have some flexibility.
- Thirdly, when you find an individual that you want to hire, define what success looks like, who the stakeholders are and create roles. Make sure your new employee understands where their role fits into the big picture of the operations, what the goals are, and how they can measure their success.
- Fourthly, you need to stay agile and responsive on this journey with the employee. There will be some unknowns like hiring anyone else, there will be a few schedule changes and there will be a few situations that the employee may need help navigating.
- Finally, be visible. Praise efforts and achievements, check in often with your management and frontline team members, leave the door open for anyone to ask questions, be creative with analogies and examples to teach everyone involved and have patience. By the way, this entire journey may be a bottom up solution so be receptive.
You can not fail at this because any action you take to help employ the neurodiverse or support that action is more than you did yesterday and more than the market had. Just get started. You’ll figure out the second step once you do.
At the 2023 Berkshire Hathaway Shareholders Meeting, Warren Buffett said this country is missing a “Unity of Purpose” on several items in reference to how the country pulled together during WWII and for the Space Race to the Moon. Everyone in the room last week shared a unity of purpose of integrating some of the most capable individuals in the world into their manufacturing efforts and I look forward to more success stories being posted.
Emma and I are available to anyone that would like assistance in any or all of the parts of this article. By the way, my daughter Emma was diagnosed with Aspergers at age 12 and is now employed at HUSCO International surrounded by fantastic humans in a win-win model for production and making a difference in growing her. It has been a journey together as a Family and will continue to be and we are eternally grateful for the team there.
Accommodating Uniqueness
Four Legged Stool
Committed Organization
Build Your Plan
Disconnect between a vision and execution
Takes a village
It is important for all of us to foster an environment that is conducive to neurodiversity, and to recognize and emphasize each person’s individual strengths and talents while also providing support for their differences and needs.
How can employers make their workplaces more neurodiversity-friendly?
Offer small adjustments to an employee’s workspace to accommodate any sensory needs, such as
Sound sensitivity: Offer a quiet break space, communicate expected loud noises (like fire drills), offer noise-cancelling headphones.
Tactile: Allow modifications to the usual work uniform.
Movements: Allow the use of fidget toys, allow extra movement breaks, offer flexible seating.
Use a clear communication style:
Avoid sarcasm, euphemisms, and implied messages.
Provide concise verbal and written instructions for tasks, and break tasks down into small steps.
Inform people about workplace/social etiquette, and don’t assume someone is deliberately breaking the rules or being rude.
Try to give advance notice if plans are changing, and provide a reason for the change.
Don’t make assumptions — ask a person’s individual preferences, needs, and goals.
Be kind, be patient.
Ecosystem – Ven diagram of employee, company, family, 4th party resources = growth
Forward thinking…..
References
The Stoic Dad
Let’s start at 10K feet.
I was born in Chicago, grew up a latch key kid in Southern California and came to Wisconsin for college where I graduated with a Philosophy Degree and a double minor is Chemistry and Biology. I got married and sired three awesome kids with an Irish Catholic Marquette grad. I worked in distribution, hospitality, and professional services (not a Gigolo) for my first three careers. I professed part time at two colleges, started a sales consulting practice, built a Sales Jedi training academy, and now own a machine shop where I lead a great team of skilled and caring individuals. I’m a Jeffersonian that likes bourbon, the 2nd Amendment, Free Market Economics, and really meaty pizza on Saturday nights. I have some great centers of influence that keep me humble (This means you Judi M!), my pronoun is “whatever”, and I am far from having figured things out.
We have three great kids and we have tried tirelessly to give them a good foundation to grow from. Our oldest is high functioning autistic and has taught me more about management than any other experiences. Think of the relationship Picard has with Data. Our second daughter is as selfless as my wife and the world has always been too small for her; Our son is turning into a fine young man and we try to keep up with his desire to be everything he can be.
One of my main rules for parenting is not to treat your kids like kids. Sure there is the car seat phase and the cotton candy line at the zoo, but we have always been honest with them about the world and involved them in the solutions developed at the kitchen table. There are no questions off limits and we all share how we added value to the world that day and what we learned from it. This philosophy has developed over time and now at a point where we can share it with those that are interested. Sure this may provide evidence for my eventual committal to an asylum, but it might help some of you as well.
Since I fell in love with philosophy and continuously ponder the meaning of life when I’m walking the dogs late at night, I have always been a fan of stoicism. A ‘Stoic’, by definition, is a person who endures pain and suffering without letting out their emotions. Simple. It is visually equal to that cow you see in the field when it’s cold outside and it’s raining hard.
Stoicism is a branch of philosophy created for those that live in the real world. Not the people across the street from me. It’s a philosophy designed to make us more resilient, happier, more virtuous and wiser. By default then, we should be better people, better professionals, and even better parents correct? Key word here is ‘should’.
Stoicism and its core values of courage, temperance, justice, and the wisdom generated has been a common thread among some of history’s great leaders. It has been practiced by Kings, presidents, artists, writers and entrepreneurs. Names you would recognize include Marcus Aurelius, Frederick the Great, George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Adam Smith, John Stuart Mill, Theodore Roosevelt, and General James “Mad Dog” Mattis. All were guided by principles that include focusing on what you can control, taking action, being virtuous, leading by example, showing resilience in difficult times, being grateful, and choosing how they reacted to things. Google stoicism and you’ll find plenty out there on the subject and all it entails.
Over the course of my life and as documented in “The Great Book of Peterisms”, I have found many quotes, sayings, and movie lines that are stoic in nature and I finally decided to turn some of my favorite stoics and their thoughts towards a parenting philosophy to pass on to other Dads. The master list can be found here but let’s look as some of my favorite philosophy quotes and apply them to the spectrum of “Dadness”.
Giving a hand up and not a hand out
Be careful to leave your sons (and daughters) well instructed rather than rich, for the hopes of the instructed are better than the wealth of the ignorant. – The Discourses, CXLV
Teaching your children self care, responsibility, technical knowledge and basically how to live will always be paramount. Yes, provide for them, but don’t forget to show them the way. Like a Mandalorian.
Epictetus said “When someone is properly grounded in life, they shouldn’t have to look outside themselves for approval.” I am sure they hope for us to pass on tangible riches, but I think they see themselves as rich already given the support they have to be awesome in their own ways compared to some of the unluckier peers around them.
I love the kid who has the new car and the expensive watch from his Disney Dad, but he couldn’t change a tire or put clothes in the dryer to save his life.
Opportunities through difficulties
“If you have passed through life without an opponent—no one can ever know what you are capable of, not even you.” – Seneca AND “Don’t aim to be perfect. Aim to be antifragile.”-Nassim Nicholas Taleb.
I am a huge fan of learning from failure or mistakes and not helicopter parenting. That has already set up one gen for failure and I already feel bad for their kids.
Being there for your kids when things don’t go right is a must. Asking after action questions about what should have been done different and what is going to change so the same results do not happen will give your kids a better foundation than giving them the WTF were you thinking approach.
Not everyone gets a trophy for trying and whenever my son complains about a difficult task or taking on a new project I give him the entrepreneur meme I read somewhere about doing the things that others won’t do today so you can do things that others can’t do later.
You don’t deserve anything
“A fit body, a calm mind, a house full of love. These things cannot be bought — they must be earned.”-Naval Ravikant.
Like the final words of Captain Miller to Private Ryan when his life is draining in the final moments of the movie. “Earn this” are his parting words of wisdom.
I am grateful everyday for the opportunities I have had and the experiences I have daily with my family. As I have aged, I do not want to rule to world as much as I want to try to enjoy it and watch those that I am responsible for grow in their own ways. In fact, on the subject of enjoying more, I recently flipped my thought process from complaint based to more appreciation based. Like bitching about the left less and more about being grateful that you have the freedom to bitch. Like bitching about paying taxes but being grateful that I am in a position to pay them.
Some of the things I have could be luck, but as Seneca stated, “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.” Teach your the kids to take nothing for granted, be prepared, and always try to give more than they receive. Givers get and there is no room for takers.
Seize the moment
“You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do, say and think.”-Marcus Aurelius.
This is more than the YOLO crowd and is in line with how I think you should develop vision statements for organizations. You can associate it with the “turd test”, the “mom test”, and the “golden rule” that I have driven into the kids. Same as the thought that you can do 1000 great things but it takes one bad decision to make you memorable.
I like the question “what do you want on your tombstone” for people to remember you by? Keeps it short and sweet. I see way too many vision and mission statements that have hundreds of words but don’t tell you anything. I actually had a standing joke with my philosophy professor, since I did not easily accept being told I was wrong, that my epitaph would read “I told you I was sick”. I win.
This quote is also for taking action. There are opportunities to parent every single minute and missing those opportunities could be harmful long term. You’ll regret not taking them. I am not talking about the Boomer/Millennial failures of coddling and pacifying the world, but rather dealing with problems like an after action report from a military operation. Want to strengthen your kids? Ask what did they learn, what happens next time, what should have happened, and what do you need from me to help?
One of the latest books I have on taking action states that there are no lack of ideas of what to do, but rather a complete lack of initiative in world.
Yes, opinions ARE like A-holes.
“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.”-Marcus Aurelius.
Teaching kids to critically think for themselves is priceless and seems to be in short supply. I’ve watched all my kids regurgitate some of the thoughts and beliefs my wife and I have, but I have made sure that they understand why we think like that and that it is important to have your own opinions but respect others. Respect, objectivity, and pragmatism seem to be missing in the world when you hear opinions and perspectives that are not yours.
Change it
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”-Viktor Frankl.
There are two types of people. Those that let the situation control them and those that can change the situation. Remember what someone replies to you when you state “it hurts when I do this”? I let the kids complain once about something and then they get the previous sentence handed to them if I hear the same complaint twice. Then, if they can’t change something, they need to find a new something.
You’ll be fine
“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”-Epictetus.
An operations manager that I worked with had one response for every complaint he heard from others. “You’ll be fine” was burned into brain and is now my first response to others that complain. Shit happens and it will happen again. Milk spills. That may sound Taoist but it’s the truth and I believe that how you react to something is actually a choice and can be up to 95% of the actual problem. Like Jack Sparrow said: The problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude about the problem. Parenting when shit happens gives you more opportunities to develop your kids foundation to deal with future problems of their own.
Epictetus also said “the more we value things outside our control, the less control we have” and I like what Voltaire wrote about “life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.”
Patience is a virtue
“No great thing is created suddenly, any more than a bunch of grapes or a fig.”-Epictetus.
My wife wishes I had more patience for sure. Doesn’t mean you have to like it but our kids are set up for failure by Amazon drone deliveries and the instant acquisition of wants and needs available in drive-thru windows. This goes with the thoughts at the beginning of this post for providing a hand up and even teaching your kids to fish. Involve your kids with projects like painting, gardening, building models, working on cars, landscaping the yard, and even raising pets. There are some things that take time but you can tangibly see the results of your labor.
A wise friend of my dads once said “nine women can’t give you a a baby in one month” and ever since I heard that line, I have used it for projects that have a natural pace that you can’t impact.
Some of the coolest moments I have had as a dad have come through teaching my kids how to do something. Operating the boat, sighting in a rifle, installing flooring, changing the oil, driving a car, and even painting their own rooms can’t be delivered by drones from Amazon or experienced by looking at your silicon master.
Focus on what matters
Relentlessly prune bullshit, don’t wait to do things that matter, and savor the time you have. – Paul Graham
Seems simple but it’s actually pretty hard. It seems like we are always trying to keep up with the Jones’s, buying things out of fear of missing out syndrome, coveting what others post about, and making sure the world around us digs us. Lose the phones, go for a hike with your kids and dogs, watch the sunset from the beach, have some cocktails around the bonfire, and then don’t post anything about it. Donald
Rumsfeld said you should prune your business, services, people, and activities annually. I’m trying to take that to a next level with teaching the kids to prune out the BS.
Do as you say
Don’t explain your philosophy. Embody it. – Epictetus
Like Yoda said; “there is not try, only do”. I’m an open book and like to think my values and beliefs are mimicked by my actions on work and family life but with so much hypocrisy and superficiality in the world around us, it can be difficult to filter out the BS and easy to get caught up in drama that isn’t yours. But guess what? You can choose to ignore it and it’s choice to even let it impact you.
We talk a lot as a family about the world we are in and our kids actions speak for themselves in sports, school, and even in their own jobs. It’s fun to watch them do the right things for the right reasons the right way at the right time and get recognized for it. Scroll up for a reminder of the stoic principles: focusing on what you can control, taking action, being virtuous, leading by example, showing resilience in difficult times, being grateful, and choosing how they react to things. This will provide a great launch pad for your kids to grow.
“Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one.” Marcus Aurelius
“Waste no more time arguing what a good dad should be. Be one.” Peter Rathmann
Long live parenting!
I hope these thoughts and philosophies help you increase your opportunities.
Peter C. Rathmann 